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Once we were some distance away, he would light up a cigarette. It was then that I knew that his real reason was to have an excuse to get away and smoke. On many occasions he would say things to provoke an argument, or comment that all public workers were lazy, or ridicule my beliefs. I had come to realize, only recently, that he might have some excuse for his bitterness.His mother had put him in an orphanage as a young boy. She claimed that she could no longer provide for him or his sister. During the Great Depression, her husband had died from Tuberculosis. When she had later come to reclaim him, she had married a man who would be nothing but a terror to the young man and his mother. The few toys that he did possess had been taken from him and distributed to the other kids in the orphanage. He had been separated from his sister for years. I believe that a sense of abandonment, both by his mother, and the early passing of his father, had created a void in his heart during his. My change in life happened just after my twelfth birthday, two months to be precise, I took my first periods, and as if a bodily switch was flicked to the 'On' position, I developed an obsession with my crotch.A few days before my periods I was fooling about with my younger brother, the kind of physical grappling that siblings get up to, and as we rolled about on the carpet, I got on top of him, and as I lay on him, I suddenly I felt a warmth in my crotch, and it felt nicer than I ever could remember, especially when we were in a tight embrace, so I pinned him down and lay atop of him, my strength was greater than his, and as I held him down, I got one of his legs between mine, and I started humping him, grinding my crotch into his thigh.He told me years later he remembered it, because it was as if I was 'out of it', I was moaning and rubbing hard against him, my eyes were closed tight, and my breathing was labored, my mood had changed, and he was both confused and frightened with my.
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